Finding Michelle
by Maribeth Wilson
Summary: Following the loss of the beloved mother and wife, Pamela Tanner, and the loss of her unborn child, the Tanner household deals with a grieving Danny.
1. Chapter 1

Danny lies in his bed, practically lifeless- too numb to even cry. Stephanie hasn't spoken a word in 2 days. Donna Jo is doing everything in her power to stay strong_. ' At 11:38pm Pamela "Pam" Tanner's taxi was struck by a drunk driver. She was killed on impact. She is survived by her spouse, Daniel "Danny" Tanner, her 2 daughters Stephanie Tanner and Donna Jo "Dj" Tanner. Pamela was 9 months pregnant at the time of the accident.' _

"Danny…" a voice beckons from the hall. "Dan, can I come in?"

Through Danny's trembling lips a word escapes "yea"

"Danny," Jessie, Pam's younger brother, sighed as he sat on the edge of the bed.

"I remember when I beat you up." He marveled. "I didn't like you Danny. I hated everyone who even got near my sister. Then you wanted to marry her?" Jessie sees his humor isn't getting across "But… she really loved you. After a while I realized that you were the greatest thing to ever happen to her. You are one of my best friends because of that. You made Pam's life better, and you made my life better. I don't know what I would do without you"

"Thanks Jess." Danny sits up. "It's just… it's not even like when my granddad died where I was in denial until the burial. I know it happened. I am fully aware. I understand. And that is the hardest part. I have no doubts."

"I do" Jessie puts his hand on Danny's shoulder. "But that's because there are living memories of Pam. Dj and Stephanie. They are a part of Pam we still have. 2 beautiful girls that we love so dearly. And they need their father."

Danny rises and shifts his weight onto the dresser "I can't do this alone"

"You won't have to."

"But Pa-"

"I'll be here."

"What?"

"Yeah, I mean if it's okay with you. I know Joey's already here, but I can move in and help you with the girls."

"I'll think on it. Sorry it's just… a lot to take in"

Jessie hugs Danny suddenly. It breaks him. For the first time Danny cries.

4 year old Stephanie sits on the couch holding her mother's pillow. She has not eaten all day, she's barely slept. Joey, Danny's lifelong friend, sits next to her unsure of what to do or say. Danny climbs down the stairs, Jessie following close behind. "Steph?" No response. "Steph?" No response.  
>"Stephanie?"<br>"Daddy?"

"Yes?"  
>"Mommy's never coming back, is she?"<p>

"…No"

"Then who will braid my hair?"

"I will" Dj comes from the kitchen holding her pillow pal.

"I will braid your hair every day if you want"

Danny, filled with pride, hugs her. "Thank you Dj."

Stephanie looks to them. "But then who will be my Mommy?"

There is a silence. No one is sure how to answer.

"We will" Jessie says, admiring Danny and Joey.

"Yeah. We will" Joey rejoiced. Danny smiles for the first time.

Stephanie stands and hugs Jessie

"You smell like Mommy"

Jessie picks her up and pushes her hair from her face

"You look just like Mommy"

After tucking the girls in, Jessie leaves to start packing. Danny leads down the stairs to lock the door. In the darkness he bumps into a playpen. He clutches the gate and inhales sharply. After the click of the lock, he returns upstairs in hope of sleeping the pain away. On the way to his bedroom he passes it: The nursery. Danny turns on the light to see in huge plush letters "Welcome home, Michelle!" He looks in the crib to see a teddy bear and a freshly made bed. "Hi Michelle." He strokes the covers. "It's daddy. I love you more than anything. I promise to not let anything hurt you. I will hold you every day. I will tuck you in and sing to you every single night. I love you." He hums softly as he pulls up the covers and turns on the mobile to help his daughter sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

Stephanie tugged at her curls as Jessie placed a bowl of cereal in front of her. Dj stirred her chocolate milk, gazing blankly outward. Danny glides down the stairs, singing and cleaning (something Pam did every morning before making breakfast. She had to have a spotless house).

Jessie stood, appalled, mid pancake flip. Danny barely even spoke this past week, let alone sang. And now… "you've gone mad…"

"I'm not crazy. I am just, happy!" He rushes to the table and gently kisses the heads of Dj and Stephanie. "Happy to be a father of three beautiful girls! Speaking of, has anyone changed Michelle yet?"

A silence overtakes the kitchen

"I knew it. It's okay guys, I have to kiss her goodbye before work anyways, I can take a second to change the stinky bugger!"

Danny excitedly exits, leaving the entire family at a loss for words.

Stephanie combs her hair back. "Who's… Michelle?"

Dj looks to her "She was our little sister."

Stephanie crosses her arms

"Well then how is daddy gonna kiss her"

Jessie slides beside her

"Look, Steph, your dad is going through a tough time right now. We all are. He is using this as a way to deal with everything. We should just play along and keep him happy. You saw him, singing and cleaning… like him and mommy used to."

Stephanie still questioned "how long will we gotta pretend?"

Joey put a pan in the sink and declared "as long as Michelle says so"

Danny ran back down the stairs and kissed each patron on the head as he sang "_Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye_ my loving family!"

Dj picked up her glass and watched her father out the window. "Who's gonna tell Michelle dad is a nut job?"


	3. Chapter 3

Stephanie slammed her bag on the counter.

"Rough day, Steph?" Jessie calmly moved her bag to the floor.

"I am sick of Nicky Vazquez. He always pulls my hair and calls me curly q and I dont like it!" She kicked her bag, knocking out the contents: 3 notebooks, a dozen colored pencils, a barbie pencil pouch, an old envelope and a few stray m&ms.

"Well have you told him this?" Jessie began placing her books back in her bag.

"I told him to shut it!" She crossed her arms and looked away.

Jessie stopped his every move. "You know Steph, all you have to do is be the bigger person."

"How? Hes 3 inches taller than me!"

Jessie chuckled as he put his hands on her shoulders.

"The next time he says anything you don't like, turn to him and just say, with your nose held high, 'How rude!'. Can you do that kiddo?"

Stephanie picked up her bag and threw it over her shoulder. "I dont' know..."

Jessie gave her a kiss on the head and walked towards the stairs. As he was on the second step he called"Okay, whatever you say, curly q"

Stephanie lifted her foot, then stopped. She straightened out her skirt and lifted her chin up. "How rude." She skipped out of the kitchen while Jessie watched her from the stairwell.

He turned to go upstairs when Danny nearly knocked him off of his feet. "woah jess, next time put your blinker on."  
>"Sorry Danny I was just... wait shouldn't you be at work?"<p>

Danny gestured Jessie to follow him downstairs. "Well I WOULD be at work, but I dont work there anymore."

"Danny I am so-"  
>"Because I am too busy being the new Co-anchor on wake up san fransisco."<p>

"Danny!" Jessie stood in disbelief. "Danny that's amazing I don't even know what to say!"

"C'mon. Hug me."

"Danny you dont... you dont hug"

"Aww come on Jess come here." He embraced him "This way I can make more, spend more time with Michelle, and..."

Jessie allowed the hug, then broke it "I forgot, I am out of hair gel do uh... do we need anything at the store?"

"No." Danny looked at his feet. "Just more milk."

"You got it, dude." Jessie reassured him as he left.

Danny opened the fridge to see a full gallon. He pulled out a glass from the cupboard. "You got it, dude."


	4. Chapter 4

It has been three months since the funeral. Dj folds her mothers old flannel, placing it under a stack of shirts in her bottom drawer. A sense of relief rushed through her as the drawer clicked.

_"Everything is okay. I am okay." _her once dark thoughts over time became light. She slugged her rucksack over her shoulder and made her way downstairs.

Stephanie gazed at her bedspread. She knew her dad would kill her if it wasn't made; however, she also knew the energy it took to perform this task. Stephanie slumped on the bed, using her entire upper body to push the blanket upward. When she stood up she noted the bed actually looked good. She tugged the corners to give a tight finish just before bolting after DJ.

Jesse had just finished a second batch of bacon before the girls appeared: their Aryan faces pleading. He laughed as he tossed two pre-made plates of their favorite breakfast on the table; scrambled cheesy eggs, buttered toast with a side of jam, bacon, and sausage. He poured the two princesses each a tall glass of orange juice. Joey, who had passed out at the table,promptly received a smack on the backside of the head and a mug of black coffee. Joey had the same breakfast, only his was on his face, in his stomach, and partly on the floor.

"Goood morning family!" Danny appeared through the door, his voice projecting through to the kitchen. He had returned a day early from filming a segment for his new anchor job on **Wake up,San Francisco!**

"DAD" Stephanie and Dj landed in their fathers arms in a matter of seconds.

"We didn't even hear you come in!" Dj exclaimed.

"Well you know me, man of many words,and no sound"

The girls sympathetically half-chuckled at their dads attempted joke. He still wasn't funny, but his presence was always worth it.

"Jess, I hope you didn't turn that pan off. I kind of skipped out on breakfast to get here quicker."

"Not to worry Dan." Jessie handed him his plate "I made plenty for all of us." He beamed.

"God, it is so good to be back guys." Danny's smile suddenly fell,not to a look of disappointment, more-so concern.

"Where is Michelle?"

Silence broke the warm feeling floating in the air. No one knew what exactly to say.

"Shes sleeping upstairs. She had a little trouble sleeping last night so I stayed up with her. Shes just catching up now." Joey said, as if he had scripted the moment.

"Ah poor thing. I'll go check on her." Danny started up the stairs "keep my eggs warm Jess!" he pointed a finger and disappeared.

All eyes were on Joey.

"What? What else was I supposed to say?"

"Damn it Joseph!" Jesse threw his fork in the sink. "He is never going to get through this..."

Joey pulled the bacon off of his face "You know only children throw tantrums"

Jesse pulled up a chair next to Joey. "Can we be serious for five minutes. Just five? Then you can go outside and play in the mud."

"Okay jeez, I was just joking." Joey shrugged. "I don't know what else to do. Michelle makes him so happy. We are all better off now... maybe playing along is not a bad thing?"

Jessie combed his hair back "I just don't understand it."

Joey looked up at the girls.

"I'll walk Stephanie to the bus now" Dj said with beady eyes and a lump in her throat.

Jessie nodded to her as she escorted her sister out.

"Jess, he lost the love of his life. Pam was important to all of us. But he lived for waking up next to her every morning. That baby would have been the last living connection to her. In his mind, Pam is still alive. In Michelle. Its easier to accept one loss rather than two."

"I spent my whole life... my whole life Joey, with her. She was my sister. My best friend. I mean I miss her too but I'm not crazy making up some child to cope." Jessie folded his arms. "I just don't get it."

"Well, try." Joey stood from the table and collected his plate."After everything Danny has done for me, I would do anything for him." He put his dishes in the sink and began up the stairs "Even change an invisible infant."


End file.
